Romance Tips - Number Two

As I explained in Romance Tips One,

some years ago I was lucky enough

to attend a conference and find out

about behavioural styles that proved

to be one of the most useful

relationship tools I have ever

come across.

Easy, simple and very accurate.

This page is the second part

of how to recognise

the four behavioural styles

and which one of them

is the style of your soul mate.

First identify your own style,

then practice looking for

the give away signs (behaviour patterns)

of other people as it is explained below.

Your soul mate will be someone that

is your compatible behaviour style

and who is within

your area of preference

which is age, gender, body shape, social standing

and any other important criteria.

If you have not read all the pages

before this one

it would be a good idea to start

at the first and work your way through,

it will not take you long,

but it will be worth it

because you will absorb the information

on this page better if you do.

Behavioural Styles - part two

the compatible type for you,

that is the important part

of romance tips one and two,

but you do not have

to analyse everyone to find out

because you will learn the short cuts

for this second part just as you did

in "Romance tips - number one"

and anyway, as I said before

some life-long partnerships

are a mix of the wrong types and still work

although these are rare.

There are only two characteristics

you need to understand

with behavioural styles

so it is very simple.

You can divide everyone you meet

and know into two categories

(apart from male and female)

and then into two ends

of a scale for each category.

That makes four behavioural styles.

This second romance tip

concerns the second half

of those four styles.

Here is the second characteristic -

Degree of forcefulness

which is one end of the scale

while other people are not forceful

and prefer to follow.

The two ends of the scale

are direct and indirect.

You should have already discovered

in "Romance tips - number one"

which end of the scale you are

for "willingness to disclose

personal information"

so now you know if you are open or closed.

Now you need to decide if you

are direct or indirect.

Forcefulness behavioural style preferences

can get along OK with

other direct people,

but they get along better

with indirect people in a romantic relationship.

This is the opposite of open and closed

from where people communicate better with

others of the same type.

That is the summary of behavioural styles

for soul mate attraction.

You will find that your perfect lover

is the same openness as your are,

but the opposite in forcefulness.

All marriages I have studied

for some reason that I have not been

able to determine, are made up

of one direct and one indirect

partner and it works just fine.

How to tell if you are naturally forceful or not

make strong eye contact and hold it

for a while when first meeting others.

Indirect people maintain only

intermittent eye contact when meeting

other people. This is immediately

noticeable and is

one of the easiest giveaways to a

person's behavioural style on a scale

of forcefulness.

Another easy way is by voice volume.

A forceful person can be heard

over the other side of the room

when they have deliberately lowered

their voice because they are generally

loud and clear.

In a crowded room the ones who are

heard the clearest over the rest

of the chatter are the direct behavioural

styles and as you might expect,

they are holding most of the conversation.

Less forceful, or indirect personalities

have difficulty being heard in a noisy

environment and are not often able to

project their voice loudly and clearly.

This is not true when a person is skilled

in speaking either naturally or by

training so it cannot be relied upon alone.

At the opposite end, a direct person can

also be very quiet when they are not sure

of their "pecking order", however once they

speak, they can usually make themselves heard

quite easily, whereas an indirect person who

feels uncomfortable will often just murmur

when they finally get a chance to speak

and are frequently talked over.

I have wrongly identified couples many times

because some people are difficult to tell.

If a closed person has been brought up

by open parents they will have a modified

type of closed behaviour which can be

difficult to pick sometimes.

The interesting thing is that they will

find a soul mate who has been brought up

similarly, so it can be easy to get styles

mixed up. However, everyone I have known

is definitely one style underneath which

is why I am giving you more than one way

to be able to tell.

Some of the behavioural preferences can be

identified in the first few seconds of meeting

while others will take longer to recognise.

On that same thread, the ideal human might

be someone who has taken on the characteristics

of the other styles and therefore has become

a more "well-rounded" character as a result.

This often happens with business executives

who can be more difficult to categorise

into one behavioural style, but when you

know all the traits you will be able to

discover their exact style too.

During conversation listen to the way

a person asks or tells.

As a preference a forceful person tells while an indirect

person asks.

A direct man may say "Please, take a seat

here madam", while an indirect man may say

"Would you like to sit here please madam".

There is a subtle, but definite difference

which may be deliberately

swapped around by behavioural styles,

but as a preference, when they are relaxed,

in comfortable surroundings,

being their natural self

they will revert back to

their true behavioural style preference.

Have you decided yet if you are direct

or indirect on a scale of forcefulness?

Another way which is less reliable is to

determine if the other person (or yourself)

is a person who likes to lead or to follow.

As you might expect, forceful people are born

leaders and indirect people are generally

followers.

Be careful here though because many indirect

people are very competent leaders too.

The last way to tell quickly if a person is

forceful or indirect is through the use of

body language and animation.

Forceful people use gestures and facial

expressions frequently while indirect

people are most often more rigid and use

expressions and gestures sparingly.

So the second great romantic tip

for attraction is that

if you are the opposite in forcefulness

to the other person you will harmonise

better as a romantic couple.

Putting Romance Tips one and two together

and "Romance tips - number two" together,

your perfect love mate, soul mate and

romantic partner will be the same as

you in openness and the opposite of you

in forcefulness.

Of course I have to remind you that I have

seen examples of happy unions where this

is not true, but they are rare.

If you get along extremely well with

your partner do not even bother to analyse,

but if you find some situations difficult

you might want to check this compatibility

information to find out why.

How to use personality styles to attract a soul mate

styles to attract a soul mate is to be natural.

You will remember reading about this in the pages

on confidence.

Soul mates are looking for each other all the time

so if you act naturally your behavioural style will

be noticed faster by your soul mates out there - male

and female, it is the same for both.

The first thing a person looks for is physical

beauty - and there is no one rule to say

what that is because it varies with everyone.

The next thing is behavioural beauty

which shows a soul mate the subtle mannerisms

of another person's behavioural style.

After that if the two meet they look for

things they wish for in the other person.

It might be their sense of humour,

their bubbly personality,

their serious outlook,

their sense of confidence

their charm or

their neat and organised appearance.

Next they look for conversation - can they

amuse each other with small talk?

At this stage it will be apparent whether

they are going to be able to get to know

each other or not and much depends

on behavioural style compatibility.

If you act naturally and confidently (relaxed)

less of the wrong types will approach you

and more of the right types will be attracted

to you. This applies to both sexes.

Of course this has been happening

for thousands of years although many

romantic partnerships in the past

were more of convenience rather than

choice due to availability of partners

and also isolation, not to mention culture.

What is important to you right now

is that you can recognise the

give-away behavioural signs

and make an early choice not to pursue

a person if they do not appear to fit into

the right style for you.

Often times you will be unsure and the

physical beauty of the other person

will be very strong so you want to be with them,

but you hesitate because something

is not quite right.

Apply the rules and try to determine their style

as quickly as your can or just go

over and meet them and look for the signs

as you talk.

"Romance tips - number three" will

cure all your lack of confidence

and remove all your anxieties about

dating, meeting partners, and going out.

That is the next step and it will make

the biggest difference to your romance

success and your happiness.

Go to Romance Tips Number Three

Return to home.